I can’t tell you exactly when I met Sara, but when I did her contagious personality drew me in.  She’s funny and always has great stories and makes me laugh big, crazy, belly laughs.  She is an amazing friend.  One of the things I appreciate most is her ability to point out the work God is doing all around us, in everything.  She and Raef have had a long-time romance.  They met freshman year at IU and were acquaintances. This grew into friendship, when after graduation, they found themselves together in Thailand in ministry.  Friendship grew into love, and they quickly fell into it, which brings us to this day.  Raef, also super fun and goofy, carries sincerity and wisdom in his heart.  I know these two have an awesome future in store.

On top of all this, the day was made even more special with the opportunity to blend my musical gifts with my husband on drums and another friend on guitar.  Sara had a dream of  heading down to aisle to a song she’s know for years. I was pleased to be able to sing it as she walked on her father’s arm to Raef.  After getting settled, the couple asked that the three of us lead guests in a time of praise and worship.  A great day, indeed! Thanks so much for letting me be a part of it! I can’t wait to see all the fabulous things that are going to happen in, and because of, your marriage!  Below are some shots from Sara and Raef’s day from a family friend, Andrew Prinsen.

PRIOR TO THE CEREMONY Believe it or not the music you play before your ceremony even starts, that background music that you can just barely hear…. that can have a HUGE impact on setting a theme for your day. It’s like the movies; you rarely realize that there are swells of strings during pivotal parts of the plot, but if they weren’t there your emotions wouldn’t be as heightened. So think about the music you have for your guests to listen to as they are being seated. It can be a simple as having a playlist piped through the sound system. Just make sure you have something so guests feel welcome!

With that said, I tend to always encourage clients to have me sing one or two of the songs right before the family starts to walk down the aisle, or during the seating of the grand mothers, mothers and their part in lighting the unity candle (if you have one.). It’s kind of like a pre-game show before the start of the big event. It’s a great way to help capture the guests attention and signal that something spectacular is about to happen. It’s also good because it respectfully signals your uncle who is on his cell phone to get off the phone because we are going to start soon. (Trust me, i’ve see this happen, better me to have the guy on the cell phone while I’m singing then when you are walking down the aisle!) Also, another thing to think about is maybe even having a reading or a guided moment of reflection.

For example, seeing as we got married in the evening in January, I wanted my wedding to have candle light and we wanted there to be a time of reflection and preparation for our guests. You know, just a few moments to give space for our guests to quiet their hearts and spirits and really enter into a place of sanctuary. I ended up having a cousin read a little something I wrote and then had an a’cappella piece sang in Latin while a group of our friends lit the candles all around the church. It was a great nod to Dave and I’s Catholic roots. We ended up putting the words in the program so that guests would understand the meaning of the song as well.

PROCESSIONAL MUSIC Processional music can be tricky and I would really encourage all brides to think about the lyrics of songs especially during the bridal processional. A lot of times couples love the sound of a song- the movement of it- but they don’t think about the words and it throws the whole vibe off. You don’t want a song to express longing and sadness when you are walking down the aisle!

CEREMONY MUSIC Many couples have one song they MOST DEFINITELY want me to sing during the ceremony. It’s either a traditional piece, or a song that means a lot to the couple. This is great for the unity candle, communion, the sand ceremony or something else that is meaningful to the couple. When selecting these songs it’s ok to choose a piece that is non-traditional. If you both love a sweet love song by Jack Johnson, have it! If your venue doesn’t allow secular music, work with your vocalist to find a song that is not only suitable, but also meaningful.

RECESSIONAL MUSIC As for the recessional music I would encourage all couples to use music to set the stage for the rest of the celebration that is about to happen! Having a loud, fast, fun, upbeat song is perfect! I mean seriously marriage is AWESOME so celebrate that it just happened! We actually had a really loud rocking song played as we processed and I really think it amped up our guests to get ready for the rest of the evening!

I genuinely believe (and I’m not just saying this because it’s what I do) that having a vocalist that is able to capture a moment and share it with others transforms a ceremony. But I would also encourage you to mix the medias of music you have if you need to. Hire a pianist and a vocalist (wink, wink) for a few songs, but then if there is a song that you really like and a piano doesn’t set the mood, see if you can use a recording.

And here’s a little secret about working with most wedding venues, especially churches. They typically have a formula for an efficient way to run a wedding ceremony and they will usually just plug you into it if you don’t speak up. Now, if tradition is what you want, then go for it, be plugged it!  But if you want to make it more personal and take a little ownership of the ceremony, take time to sit with our church person, officiant, or hired musician and dream a little to make your day unique and personal.

Check back soon for more tips on how to Master Your Ceremony!

(photo courtesy of www.megelaine.com)

Of all the planning and fittings and tastings we did, one of my favorite parts of planning our day was planning the actual wedding ceremony. Our friends and family love to have a great time so I wasn’t worried about the reception! But the ceremony, that was something different to think about. This was going to be the time we had the undivided attention of our guests. It was our chance to let them know exactly how we felt about each other and our feelings about the covenant we were about to enter into.

After working with a lot of brides I’ve realized the actual ceremony is sometimes the last thing thought about. Not that it’s not important, but usually this kind of planning gets trumped by making sure the limo will be there when it needs to be, and that the flowers are the right hue, and that your crazy aunt isn’t seated next to your other in-law who doesn’t like her 2nd husband or whatever…

Most brides depend on the church planner or the officiant to set the pace for the ceremony, but I would encourage you to take yours back, or at least have a voice and make your ceremony your own. For the next few weeks I thought it might be helpful to highlight a few essential parts of a ceremony to think about! I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving. There’s more on the way!

Kara is smart, fun, beautiful, sincere and loves her family and friends. Not surprisingly each of these attributes were in play on their wedding day. I actually didn’t get to meet Brady until the big day and by first glance you can see that they have a mutual respect and adoration for each other; they are a tremendous match! Their wedding party included friends and family from different seasons of life. It was sweet, and though formal in nature, very personal and relaxed as well!

As for the music, I sang a few traditional Catholic hymns before and during the ceremony, and during the Unity Candle sang the classic “Ave Maria”. I was blessed to be accompanied by musician friends of Kara’s family who played the acoustic guitar and violin….. it was AWESOME! I do have to say that the most memorable musical moments was when Kara’s father played the “Trumpet Voluntary” as she and Brady recessed down the aisle as husband and wife!

Vendors included the Mavris, Sweet Pea Floral and a very special thanks to Nathaniel Edmunds Photography for these great photos below. To check out more photos of Kara and Brady’s day head to Nathaniel Edumunds Photography blog.

As I started to ponder the last “C” I realized there were many options; communication, commitment, candor, care. Of all that I could have chosen, the one I think is most deserving to add to the four is  …….(drum roll please!)…..

C4- COMEDY

If there’s one thing I am sure of it is that relationships, even really good ones, can be REALLY TOUGH sometimes. Usually those “TOUGH” times are more a symptom of two people trying to live one life together and not so much about big earth-shaking challenges.

Foolish things like the fact that my husband always takes his socks off when he is watching TV and leaves them next to his chair, or how I MUST have the house clean before we leave for the day (and will be late to make sure it’s tidy)- these are the things that can be some of our major relationship hurdles. With things like these, sometimes there is just no reasoning. We all need a little comedy because without it we just get annoyed!

A quick word to the engaged folks out there too! COMEDY is especially important in your stage of the game. There will be moments due to the stress of planning a wedding when you will want to cry or yell about things like napkin rings…. Trust me, it’s far better to laugh at these situations than to let the tears or anger flow!

Comedy allows us to take our issues a little out of context and humbly see that we can be a tad neurotic at times. (I know, hard to fathom!) I believe also with comedy comes closeness. There are moments when my husband lovingly laughs with me about something we are experiencing, or at one of my weird habits, and this laughter reminds me that he’s in for the long-haul!

Now, please hear my warnings as well. I’m not saying be light-hearted about the big issues…. big stuff doesn’t go away by laughing at it.  Please work hard to get through the big issues with honesty and grace. I also needn’t remind you that there are just some things that are off-limits with your partner, so be tender!  But with all else, with all the mountains out of mole hills…. laugh…..PLEASE! It can do a world of good for your heart and your relationship!

Thanks for reading and talk to you soon! As mentioned previously, I’d like to thank my dear, sweet friend Megan King from Megelaine Images for her photos.

I would say that Penn between 10th and 16th is an area this ole’ girl from Zionsville probably wouldn’t wander around alone.  Admittedly my speed quickened as I went under the interstate and headed north. As I approached 14th (an area home to a soup kitchen and residential corrections facility for adult offenders) I noticed a few guys dressed in worn and faded Colts jerseys playing  pass in the front of a seemingly abandoned building.  They quickly noticed me and there was a moment of strange eye-contact.  As I got about three feet in front of the QB he extended his big meaty arm up in the air. For a moment I imagined this man swinging his arm down and trapping me in it to restrain me while the other men stripped me clean of my belongings. My inner dialogue was going a little something like this  “He’s gonna try to steal my Ipod, wait…. did I wear my wedding set? CRAP!!! Why did I run up Penn!?” Instead he looked me in the eyes, smiled wide, and gave me a solid high-five all while the other guys cheered me on from a distance……OUTSTANDING! I giggled to myself the whole way home about the incident. Apparently I’ve got more street credit than I thought! LOVE IT!

(photograph courtesy of Megelaine Images)

Well friends… we are half way through, here’s the new C3!

C3- COMMUNICATION

I had a conversation with a guy at my part-time job yesterday. He was telling me that sometimes his wife speaks and he has NO IDEA what she saying. He knows her words are in English but that’s about it! He told me that when this happens he literally stops her and asks her to explain. Keep in mind he doesn’t say “What are you talking about?” which he realizes can be abrasive, but instead says something along the lines of “I want to know what you mean and right now I don’t.  Can you please explain again?” Friends, this is a good communicator.

Communication has to be intentional, have purpose, and be regularly practiced. It involves both the actions of speaking and listening. The latter is something our society doesn’t focus much on, and I admittedly don’t do so well at either, but man, do we need to learn how to do it! Ultimately communication should have a motive that desires a deeper understanding of the other person. I know… I know….. you probably don’t think about all of this when you open your mouth- but it’s worth making it a focus for the health of our relationships!

So back to my co-worker for a minute. Let me give you a few more stats on this guy. Many would say he’s a bit of a “free spirit” or “hippie”. I’d say he’s in his early 40’s. He has a tremendous vocabulary and a mind that goes a mile a minute. He is married to a woman who it sounds like has more recently than not divorced. I’m not sure if he was married previously but it would make sense that he might have been by the way he talks about marriage. As we were talking about communication he was pretty quick to state that he thinks the reason most marriages don’t make is because of a failure to communicate, coupled with one or both individual’s desire to be victorious during conflict. He made the point that when conflict arises you can either go in to it wanting only your own point to be heard and to “win” (hence not listening to the other person at all) or with a desire for a fair and good resolution for both of you. He noted that this resolution can really only be arrived upon when you know how to communicate well.  Good communication coupled with humility= lasting marriage. Who knew this guy was a relationship expert!

So, in the name of being better communicators I want to challenge all of you to start being a little more intentional with your communication. For the next week try and spend at least 15 minutes a day in real, uninterrupted conversation with your significant other.  No TV. No texting. No facebook.  Sit, ask, listen, and remember, when conflict arises winning isn’t everything!

Until next time!

Well, here we are again! If you missed my most recent post, I brought up the fact that most of us know a lot about diamonds and the 4 C’s that are used to describe their quality. In light of that, I’ve decided to explore a new set of 4 C’s that can help make a great relationship! Truth be told, the health of our relationships are more important than our hardware!

So,  C2 – COMMON CAUSE

When a couple has a common cause it means that the relationship has moved beyond self-satisfaction and has started to focus on serving and influencing others. This is a very good thing when you are talking about the health of a relationship. We all want to feel like whatever we are doing (even a relationship)  has a greater purpose. Working to discover your common cause as a couple will better define that purpose and up your satisfaction level within your relationship.

Think about it for a minute, every company and organization out there has a mission statement. Why shouldn’t our relationships? Now I’m not saying you need to have a poster in the front hallway of your house that spells out your cause as a couple so dinner guests can see it (though if you want to do that – GO FOR IT!) But I do think when a couple decides to move into marriage it’s worth exploring this whole idea of cause.

The first step in determining a common cause with your spouse is for the each of you to first discover your own gifts, talents, values, and passions. This can be an intimidating process- so take it slow. Also remember that these things can change as life happens, and that’s perfectly ok! There may be a season where you are really passionate about your job and then all of a suddenly very passionate about children. This is not a bad thing. Just make sure you are keeping your spouse in the loop when those changes happen!

Once each of you has determined those gifts, talents, etc., start to talk about your hopes and dreams for your future together.  What kind of impact do you want to have on others and the world around you? What do you want your relationship to say to others? What do you want to accomplish with your family? With those answers in mind think about how each of your passionate about can be blended together to propel those dreams.

Here’s the bottom line- very few couples accidentally stumble upon outstanding marriages that are satisfying. The couples I know who love being married do so because they know why they are in it! Those I know who have made a lasting impact on this world with their families have done so because they knew their cause. They were deliberate in their planning and willing to make decisions for their families and futures with that cause in mind.  Starting discussions about your cause as a couple will help to set the course for your future and a great relationship!

Keep checking back, I’ve got two more C’s to go this week! Again, thanks to Megelaine Images for the photos. I highly encourage you to check out their website and blog at www.megelaine.com

This may be a true statement if the depth of friendship was determined by the time spent obsessing over a person or item! Ladies, let’s get serious… we know tons about diamonds and have fairly strong opinions about what is the best.

As most of us know a diamond’s value is gauged by the infamous four C’s. These C’s grade the quality of a stone in a variety of categories. Ultimately, the goal is to have the very best of each C.  But, what if we shifted gears and instead of thinking of the four C’s of a diamond we thought about four areas necessary for quality relationships? Ok…. fine…..I’ll make them start with the letter C too!

So, here we go C1- CHARACTER

When you begin dating both parties work their hardest to put their best forward. We want to be impressive- and that’s totally o.k. But one has to be careful not to be tricked about the character of a person. Eventually the song and dance will end and you may be so used to the other person that you won’t be a good judge of their character, or you may be settling and not even realize it! Bottom line- sketchy character is a heartache waiting to happen! With all that said, I think it is worth doing a little investigating/observation on your own. Here are just a few ways to figure out if the person you are with is of quality character:

How does he treat his mom and sisters?

What does he say about people when they aren’t around?

What do people say about him when he’s not around?

How do the people who work for/with him treat him?

How does he treat a homeless person on the street or, how does he treat janitors or maid?

Obviously every case is different, but if the answers to these questions aren’t so hot….it could be great indicator that you are dealing with a dud. My encouragement to you is to ask the hard questions and remember that when you are with someone, especially when you marry someone, you really do become one! So take time to figure out the character of your partner and make sure you are proud of it because eventually their character will also be viewed as yours!

Keep checking back this week for C2, C3 and C4!

Special thanks to Megelaine Images for their contribution of bling photos! You are the BEST!

I had the pleasure of singing with The Dolce Trio! I’ve been to many weddings and heard them play but never had the pleasure of making music with them until this day. The Dolce Trio consists of a flute, cello and violin. These ladies of this group are tremendously talented, accommodating and easy to work with. We started the ceremony with a song by Brandon Heath called “LOVE NEVER FAILS” is speaks sweetly of the many attributes of love. Then after the second reading I shared Schubert’s “AVE MARIA”.

Check out some shots of Angeli and Jeff’s day. Thanks to Dave at Line 11 for the images and KAS Events for introducing me to the bride. Blessings on your new journey as husband and wife, Angeli and Jeff!